For SINGLES only!!!

I have been struggling for quite some time on what do I write about. Anything and everything today seems to be over-discussed, over analyzed and everyone seems to be having a strong opinion on everything ranging from politics to sports to women empowerment. So I would like to open this season with something that everyone in my age group is struggling with: the TASK of getting married.

Why do I call it a task? Because everyone seems to be setting up milestones and deadlines around this task so we get settled at the right time and do not miss the bus so as to say. As we all know in India, marriage is not meeting of two people and deciding to get hitched, it’s more of a social drama which is relished and enjoyed by the families and friends and the friends of the family. So who all are the perpetrators of this whole task? 

My parents were surprisingly cool about the whole thing until recently. I peacefully finished MBA, joined my job and switched cities. It was not a big deal that I crossed 25 since I needed to settle down in my new job after finishing higher education. But as soon as I shifted back to Delhi, i.e. near home for me, all that my parents can think of now is when I will get married. And the bigger question is to whom?

Since I’m independent and bold, it was assumed that I would have found someone on my own and all that they need to do is okay my choice and that will be all. But to their utter disappointment, I’m not in a relationship and don’t have anyone in mind with whom I would like to spend the rest of my life, at least till now I have not met anyone who fits this profile. Seems like my own parents and relatives are looking down on me for not being successful in meeting the right guy till date. But wait a minute, these are the same parents and society which wanted me to be focused on my studies and career a few years ago and not have a boyfriend because it will distract me. Did I understand correctly at that time or it’s just that they have changed their views as the time passed by. Now that they are really scared of finding a suitable match for me, who can put up with all the values I have grown up with and especially who will have high regard for me and my career. They know that it’s a humongous task to find the right match, they want me to take matters in my own hands so they are not responsible for this whole affair.

They can see that some of my friends got married to the love of their lives and they feel that they have been really successful now according to our parents. Aren't these the same people we were not supposed to be friends with because they had relationships when they were young and will have bad influence?   If I remember correctly this is how our society was when I was growing up. Somehow everything seems to have taken a 180 degree turn and I seem to be at the wrong side of it because I haven’t found anyone for myself.

As for the relatives and family friends, I avoid all the drama, advice and questions as I stay away from my parents.  All of you understand how irritating and fruitless those discussions are, so I’ll not waste my time repeating that for all of you. All I can remember from such sessions is how some lucky people found suitable matches abroad, girls married at the right age, 23-24, to well settled professionals abroad and how uncles and aunties spend a couple of months with their well settled kids in the US or UK. I belong to Chandigarh and the whole definition of being settled there is staying in US, UK, Canada, Australia or New-Zealand. I don’t blame them, seems like down south people have affinity for Arab countries- Dubai, Muscat. All communities in India have their own qualms; don’t want to get into this, maybe a separate write-up to discuss all that.

Now comes the other well-wisher category - FRIENDS; all the friends who got married, either arranged or love have only one thing to talk about when I meet them, when am I getting married. You know why, so that the spouses of my female friends have company while we girls chit chat. As for the guy friends, I think they are completely out of scene after their marriage, seems like they are still absorbing the new lifestyle or shock or whatever the reason be.  They have vanished completely and unless their wives are your friends, there is no chance you can have a party time with them. The only exception to this rule is a couple that I know, Guha and Aditi with whom I never felt that I need to be in a couple to party. Every weekend was spent with them, sometimes non-stop 48 hours of weekend masti. And all the credit goes to Aditi for that. Guha - you are really lucky to have such a wife who entertains all your friends and welcomes them with open heart and amazing food. You are the cutest couple I know and whenever I find someone so much compatible I’ll get married the next day. I promise.

For the rest of my friends I just have one thing to say. I know you think that we “the singles” are missing out on something in life by not being married today. Trust me fellas, we the singles are really happy for now. We travel when we want, where we want and with whomsoever we want. We meet our friend without having the stress of ensuring what our spouse will do at that time, (as if they had nothing else to do when you spend time with your friends). We cook when we wish, we sleep when it suits us and we indulge in hobbies like cycling, painting, dance, photography or sports as and when we please. I know only 1 percent of people who find time for such things when they get married. Wonder if you really can’t find time for such things after you have a partner or is it just an excuse, I’ll find it out on my own when the day comes. But for now I think I deserve some ME time, after some 25 years of studying, preparing for exams, interviews, living by parents’ rules, stress of relationships, commitments, crushes and everything else. I deserve this life for some time before I get hitched to really see the world, meet new people, travel the world, wine and dine at expensive places, now that I can really afford to and not be bothered about sharing my itinerary/plans with anyone.

 To all my single friends out there who are in the same boat. Trust me there is a whole community of us out there. I know we’re waiting for the right one or the right time. Don’t hurry, take your time and when you are ready to take the leap, just cross the bridge and see the other side. I’m sure it will be a great experience but till then be happy and ignore all the stress signals raised by your friends and parents. Enjoy the freedom while it lasts.